The entirety of the Marshall Islands has about the same number of people as the greater exurbs of Mobile, Alabama. Now you know you’re talking about a small number of people (50,000) when you’re talking exurbs of the “Greater Mobile Area.” Interestingly enough, the elevation of the Mobile Alabama area may as well be Nepal compared to the Marshall Islands, which are being washed away at sea and might be a contributing factor regarding the minimal overall population of the Marshall Islands.

Why are the Marshall Islands important? Well, it’s difficult to figure out, but Randy Quaid is all over it. Randy knows that what happens on the Marshall Islands represents what happens throughout the entirety of the federal government.

For the purposes of this tweet and column – alone, we are going to give Randy every benefit of the doubt and totally believe that he was spied upon and abused by a woman either assigned to the Marshall Islands (from the mainland) or stationed in the Marshall Islands. We don’t know for sure and we’re not researching it because we’ve already given him the benefit of the doubt and what he says below is “true.”

Randy tweets that the people still in Afghanistan should not believe anything the federal government says, because the State Department (and one person in particular) lied to him and hacked his computer. We believe him… for our current purposes.

The truly insane part is that Randy thinks that based on his experience, as the great MAGA and powerful Randy Quaid, the State Department spied on him. Assuming this is true, we’re still going to ask, still, how does Randy’s experience inform the people in Afghanistan regarding trusting the entirety of the federal government and Joe Biden? We are positive that there were very nice and cool people working way below Trump. Is it not possible that there was an abusive person somewhere else at one point? Assuming he’s telling the truth.

Randy’s more than a bit off here:

To the Americans trapped in Afghan depending on Biden’s State Dept. to help them, do not – I repeat – do not believe anything they say. This SD person (from Obama era) lied to me, – and hacked my computer. I have hard evidence this is true based on their own statement of fact. pic.twitter.com/zU40wL3tBo

— Randy Quaid (@RandyRRQuaid) September 2, 2021

If anyone can make any sense of that tweet, please email or tweet us (Try our beautiful owner) because we’re positive that the answer is actually less believable and far funnier than the earnest explanation. MAGA-up, Randy.

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