In a Friday afternoon news dump, we learn the same lesson we’ve learned all too often about guns. Thankfully, no one died in this particular gunfight, and so we get to mock the living sh*t out of everyone, which seems like the least they deserve.

But before we do, we want to once again, as we have thousands of times, remind everyone that all stats compiled say that a gun in your home is far more likely to be used against someone belonging in your home than save you from any intruder. For those people who believe it’s necessary for safety, we’re not necessarily judging, just saying. And we have a cautionary tale… about why a dog is a much better safety device.

The cautionary tale might actually begin better with “Don’t have an affair with a married woman, or don’t be a married woman having an affair.” Just end the relationship and go do what you want. But even more importantly, if you simply must have an affair and you are a married woman, do not let your boyfriend live in your home, even for just a few days, without clearing it with your husband, who also lives in said home. The husband may have a few quite reasonable questions, but that’s just the way it goes. We know the dog would have some questions and he might ask dad.

Here is the story out of North Carolina by way of the Daily Beast:

In a love triangle-gone-intentionally-wrong, Alabama man Frank Reeves allegedly shot another man after his wife told him there was an intruder in the home—neglecting to mention the “intruder” was her boyfriend who was secretly living with them. Michael Amacker had been dating Tracy Reeves for more than a year before taking refuge at her home for a few days, The Charlotte Observer reports, filling up water bottles with urine so as to go unnoticed. Once Frank heard the news, he grabbed his gun and confronted Amacker, with the two engaging in gunfire before both men ended up in the hospital.

Couldn’t this have been settled by a good old-fashioned fistfight where they just beat the sh*t out of each other, which – we want to say, would probably have been warranted on the husband’s part. If your wife’s boyfriend wants to move in, asking for permission is about the least one can do, clearing it with the 90 lb German Shepard might be even harder.

Reeves, the woman in the center of this love triangle, was unavailable for comment. The article says she was too high on Meth. But we also might note that if one person is on meth in a home in which there are others, odds are that that person is not the only one on meth. Odds are that the dog is the only one who isn’t.

This brings us to a final point. If you do insist upon keeping guns in the home, please do not mix guns with meth. There are very few stories that begin with “Everything got better when I started on Meth.” And there are even fewer that begin with “Good thing that I had a gun with me when I was high as hell on Meth.”

Not judging, just saying. And don’t have affairs. In the name of all dogs in heaven, and in the home, just break up.

Have a good weekend.

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