*Dedicated to Ms. Leonard, 8th Grage English, Vera C. O’Leary Junior High.

We all have teachers that impacted our lives, many come quickly to mind, O’Halloran, White, Prusch, Schwartz, from kindergarten to grad school, teachers probably touch more minds and lives on a per-day basis than any profession. We love ’em.

Tucker Carlson remembers his first-grade teacher. But lest you think you’re about to hear a sweet tale about how she set Tucker straight on his ABCs or something, remember, we’re talking about Tucker, and he remembers the bad things.

In his biography Tucker said he became conservative because of his first-grade teacher, who:

“[W]ore long Indian-print skirts. . . . She had little interest in conventional academic topics, like reading and penmanship,” Tucker wrote that she would cry with her head down at her desk, “The world is so unfair! You don’t know that yet. But you’ll find out!”

Okay, first of all, bullsh*t. (Obviously). Tucker comes from old money and went to the best private schools. No first-grade teacher anywhere is going to scare the kids about the world and be paid for a second semester. That much is obvious.

Second, What. The. Fck? So – pretend for a second that Tucker’s telling the truth, just pretend – we’re supposed to believe that the little tuck sat there (in first grade) and thought, “This little whiny liberal p*ssy won’t teach me [Mobey] Dick! I’m becoming a conservative. Conservatives don’t sit at their desks and cry unless they have to learn about evolution!”

If you really think about it, Tucker is implying that this is exactly how he reacted.

But good news! Mrs. Raymond is still around, and our pals over at The Hill Reporter have Mrs. Raymond’s rebuttal. It sounds to us like she’s not done teaching Tucker:

When asked about those comments, Raymond replied, “Oh my God. That is the most embellished, crazy thing I ever heard.”

It gets even better. Tucker wrote that Mrs. Raymond really didn’t teach them anything and it got so bad that his father actually had to hire a private tutor. Ready for the punchline?

 An aghast Raymond noted that she was the tutor hired by Carlson’s father.

Of course, she was. And we know, given that the Carlson family was a straight-up, hard-working, pull yourself up by the bootstrap-type, that when Mr. Carlson went looking to pay for a private tutor, he made sure he got the best for his money. Mrs. Raymond.

Last, given that Tuck’s father had to pay for extra “teacher” time after class, doesn’t that sort of imply that Tuck was a little slower than the other kids? Good thing we’re liberals and understand that the world can definitely be unfair. Lots of kids need some extra time, we’re all different. But that’s ridiculously liberal of us.

Hey, Tucker? First of all, Fck off. Second, cool story, bro.

Thanks to Mrs. Raymond, Ms. Leonard, Ryan, Heather, Jeremy, and all the other great teachers out there, especially those who give a little extra help to spits like Tuck, and us.

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