Let us pretend for just a moment that Ivermectin, aka cow de-wormer, aka “horse paste,” and aka “hydroxychloroquine,” let’s pretend it worked for those who just have a brush with COVID. Just pretend.

Even the MAGAs know that Ivermectin has been shown to have very serious side effects, especially with respect to people with underlying heart issues. The MAGAs know there is risk in taking it. Maybe one would have a mild COVID case (though there are fewer mild cases with the Delta variant), it would be a tough call on whether to take it, even if it worked in every case.

Just pretend.

But what if there was an option! What if there was a gerbil pellet that if shot just right into the arm had a 99.9% success rate. The “Gerbil Cure” would be known only to Right Wing evangelicals because it was studied by scientists at Liberty University and several bible colleges, then released on just the right Facebook pages. Last, the only way one could get the gerbil pellet is if one showed up at church on Sunday.

Every MAGA would take the pellet over the horse paste because, of course, it’s safer.

Ron DeSantis is using nearly the same scientific approach in listening to a Californian psychiatrist for COVID advice. Psychiatrists can be some of the world’s most valuable doctors, saving more lives than many other specialties, but they are not experts when it comes to internal medicine and infectious disease. That doesn’t bother DeSantis.  According to Rawstory

A California psychiatrist who has advised Gov. Ron DeSantis on the coronavirus pandemic recently promoted a drug for COVID-19 patients that federal disease experts have strongly warned against after a spike in calls to poison control centers

Dr. Mark McDonald of Los Angeles is among a fringe group of outspoken medical professionals who have pushed ivermectin as an alternative to widespread vaccination against coronavirus. McDonald called ivermectin an “effective, safe, inexpensive treatment” in a Aug. 5 Twitter post, and he shared an article by the Jerusalem Post citing a recent study of the drug in Israel.

Okay, we’re playing along. Let’s say it works! But what about the pellet, discovered at Liberty, or Bob Jones University, or whatever they’re called! Wouldn’t people use the pellet first? Maybe we just have a branding problem with the vaccine. Let’s say the vaccine is nothing but gerbil pellets, ground down to a tiny liquid small enough for needles.

A wave of online misinformation about ivermectin has led to increased demand, and some people have turned to a version of the drug meant for farm animals. That sparked the U.S. Food and Drug Administration to tweet: “You are not a horse. You are not a cow. Seriously, y’all. Stop it.”

But you have a lot in common with gerbils! You both have mouths, hair, tongues (we presume), reproduction sort of follows the same principles, in that the male is always ready. So… if the gerbil pellet works.

Rebrand the vaccine as nothing but gerbil pellet juice. Ron DeSantis would suddenly be interested, keep it a secret. It’s only available to evangelicals, willing to believe that distilled gerbil pellets prevent COVID altogether. Suddenly, 90% of the United States would be vaccinated. Granted, 33% would be thumbing their noses at “scientists” pfft, but they are the same people already doing it.

Meanwhile, boy do we have an October surprise for DeSantis, if ever needed.

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