The certified Gen-Xers among us (and our beloved Boomer parents) surely remember laughing when we heard the news reported from North Korea that its dear leader at the time, Kim Jong-il, once scored a 34 on an 18 hole golf course. They noted that Kim birdied or better every hole and had five holes-in-one.

Tucker Carlson says that American media, Vogue, in particular, is doing the same North Korean thing with Jill Biden. Maybe we should point out to Tucker that no one actually saw Kim Jong-il shoot his 34 and five holes in one, but Jill is on the cover of Vogue for all the world to see. Subtle difference, but worth noting.

Tucker is apparently upset that every cultured American, whether in science, the arts, education, literature, medicine, whatever, really couldn’t stand the Trumps and saw Melania for exactly what she was… and we’ll leave it right there out of fear of being sued.

According to Tucker, via Mediaite: (Indulge us in our commentary throughout)

Who is this amazing woman? The servant, saint, humanitarian genius medical missionary who still somehow has managed to stay beguilingly sexy at 69?

Her name is Jill, and god only knows how she stays beguilingly sexy at 69. No doubt, part of it is that adult men (as opposed to Tucker) know that many women are sexier at 69 than 29. Forgive us, but someone has to say it. Women are perfectly capable of being hot and sexy as hell at any age. Clearly, Tucker retains a frat-boy attitude about attractiveness.

And Tucker, Jill would be the first to tell you that she is, actually, a servant of the American people and not a Queen (See, Melania). Jill would be the first to tell you that she’s no saint. (Melania would claim to be.) Jill is a humanitarian, most people with empathy are. “Genius?” Eh, she’d probably cop to being fairly bright, but laugh at “genius.” “Medical missionary”? She helps people get vaccinated you little mothertucker, what’s wrong with that?

What did America do to deserve her?

Abso-fcking-lutely nothing. So just be thankful and shut up before she moves to Canada.

Well thankfully, Vogue answers that question. Dr. Jill, the magazine declares, is a “joy multiplier.” She multiplies joy. That’s what she does. It’s who she is.

Tell you what, Tuck. We challenge all the money we’ve made at this site versus all the money you’ve made at Fox, and let’s hold a completely anonymous poll of White House service staff. Let’s see if they agree that Jill is a joy multiplier and Melania is a bitterass divider. Deal?

And by the way, Dr. Jill also shot in 18 on the golf course last week, played the whole round in 22 minutes in between vaccinations and international treaty signings. It was a typical day for Dr. Jill.

Jill would laugh at your joke, because it’s funny, and Jill’s a fun person who doesn’t hold grudges. Lucky for you.

Back in North Korea they must’ve read the latest issue of Vogue with their jaws open. A joy multiplier? Joy brigades, sure. But joy multiplier? That might be too far, even for the Kim family. North Korea may be a hermit kingdom, but even they’re not that stupid.

We don’t know about North Korea, but people on Fox shouldn’t be judging any culture about stupidity.

Of this, we can be sure. Tucker has to do Trump’s work. He must say things that make Trump happy. But fighting a war against Jill (clearly on behalf of Mel) probably isn’t the way to go. After all, Mel wasn’t good enough for Trump, he had to pay – big – for an hour with two other women while married to Mel. So if she’s not good enough for him, why is she supposed to be good enough for us? Jill can warm us with her smile, Mel could crawl in bed and freeze our… never mind.

Joe and Jill seem genuinely in love. As opposed to the five holes in one, a person can see that love right in front of them. Meanwhile, since we’re mixing metaphors with golf, women, Trump, and whatever, Trump has probably never figured out that when playing golf with women, they want someone who spends a lot more time reading the green and can take a certain amount of pride in scoring a four or five on every…

Never mind.

Yes, Tucker, a fashion magazine doing a puff piece on the First Lady is totally worse than North Korean propaganda. pic.twitter.com/P2vWvfNq5U

— Justin Baragona (@justinbaragona) July 2, 2021

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