Eric Trump is absolutely sh*tting his pants right now, thinking about that fortune that he believed to be his birthright (He’s worked so hard!) all slipping away. We know this, not because he said it, but because he went so far in denying it.

Eric appeared on the friendliest ground tonight, friendlier than Hannity, even. He showed up on Newsmax to talk about the charges leveled at the Trump organization and its CFO. Now, before we get into Eric’s terror, we really ought to be fair and at least acknowledge that Eric Bolling asked Eric Trump about the charges, which was more than Fox and Friends could do this morning when they talked about Trump “finally taking control of the border.” (No, we don’t know what that means, either.)

We are just going to go down the list of Eric’s deep thoughts and evaluate each of his “sentence-like” answers. Eric was asked: “Are you concerned they might send an indictment your way, your brother’s way or your sister’s way?”

“You know what? I’m not, Eric, because guess what, we’ve always lived amazingly clean lives.”

Define “clean,” Beavis. You were caught red-handed taking money from a charity you set up for kids with cancer. Eric, this means that people wrote checks in your name because they believed the money would go to help some kid who faced the ultimate fear. You took that money, presumably to enhance an already pretty good lifestyle. People who live clean lives are not banned from running a charity in a state.

Define “clean,” Eric. Showering every other day and [sorta] brushing your teeth does not equate to a clean life. Moreover, people with clean lives are eager to prove it by opening their books to demonstrate their cleanliness. Last, people who pamper themselves by spending money on their own 757, money that could go to… oh, kids with cancer, are not “clean people.”

Don’t make us bring up the rumors about your bachelor party in Iceland, Eric. Don’t do it!

“And believe me, if they could’ve, they already would’ve.”

Your brother and sister were one honest prosecutor away from being charged with fraud just ten years ago. Moreover, your father took his case to the SCOTUS twice to hide the evidence or they would have a while ago. Additionally, people who live clean lives don’t worry about forcing every employee to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

“The difference is, I’m not Hunter Biden.”

Hey, bro? Guess who was president up until five months ago? Guess who ran the DOJ? If any of you actually believed that Hunter Biden committed some kind of crime (beyond addiction), you had all the time in the world to charge him. The difference is, they didn’t charge him, because they couldn’t. Hunter lived a shady life but – as of yet – no one’s accused him of a crime.

And if you’re referencing addiction? Fck you, Eric. That’s a medical issue and you might want to call your brother and dad about that. Oh, and don’t make us bring up Iceland, Eric. Just don’t, okay?

“Don, Ivanka and I live really, you know, nice clean lives. And we work very, very had.”

You would not last a single day following an ER Nurse around, nor a high school chemistry teacher, nor a welder, nor a cook at one of the restaurants in your dad’s places. You’re embarrassing yourself now, Eric.

“We live clean lives” and he continued to complain about Hunter Biden.

Eric? People who live clean lives don’t need to compare themselves to anyone. If you live a clean life, you’re comfortable in your own skin and not threatened by others who live clean lives, nor do clean people need to hold themselves above others.

You just damn near convicted yourself. Oh! And, hey, Eric? Watch this. Some of us have lived less than clean lives at times. We’re human after all. We tried to learn some lessons, probably did learn some. We still fall down, maybe get a bit dusted up. We still apologize. That’s called being an adult, kid. Living a “clean” life isn’t the goal. The goal is living a “good” life and a good life is one where you spend most of your time helping others while being fallible yourself. Got anything to say there, sport?

Eric Trump is not taking this well… pic.twitter.com/WtzimpjEhy

— Andrew Feinberg (@AndrewFeinberg) July 1, 2021

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